5 signs of a ’419′ lover

Cheating requires significant effort. Messages have to be conveyed. Time and locations are discussed. Is your man covering the phone and speaking in hushed tones?

Love is a wonderful thing. So is falling into it. Feelings can be very complicated and confusing. How do you know that your love muffin is all that he claims to be? Is he putting on a show or is he genuine? It takes a while to know for sure, so don’t rush headlong into love with your eyes wide shut. As you navigate your love life, there are several tricks and secrets that you can use to stay happy, healthy and sane.

Many people fall in love with love and later learn that compatibility just isn’t there. Maybe your fella is just interested in an ego boost; craving your attention, fun and sex. Perhaps he’s even looking for you to pay his bills. Or what if he really does want love and domestic bliss, complete with a family of his own? How will you know? Everyone has a motive and a desire. You need to understand what drives him. To do that, you need to pay attention.

Emotions can be as stormy or as calm as the sea. It is hard enough to tell your own feelings, let alone guess at his. You recognize the ebb and flow of the tides: life is constantly changing. You want a relationship that is easy, happy and free of negativity. But life will always serve up something surprising. If you’d like to reduce your chances of bad surprises, you need to be on the lookout for warning signs.

Suddenly a Sweetheart

When a previously inconsiderate mate suddenly pours on the compliments, what do you think? He may finally be succumbing to your charms. He may finally understand how lucky he is and wishes to demonstrate his affection. Or, perhaps he’s just buttering you up so you won’t notice his bad behavior behind the scenes.

A New Look

Life is always changing and so are you. Your hairstyle, make-up and sensibilities can vary like the seasons. Sometimes it is fun to make a radical change to stir things up. What happens when your guy changes his hairstyle? Is he just trying something new or is he trying to impress another woman?

A relationship that is clouded with suspicion is not worth the trouble. Life is too beautiful for that. A working relationship honors privacy and assumes trust. Everyone needs to have their own space and independence within the union.

Digital Obsession

Social media has changed our notion of privacy. Mobile and digital devices are little diaries of everything we do. When your mate won’t let you use his mobile phone in an emergency, it’s time to pause and take an honest look at your relationship.

New Hobbies

As life changes, so do our interests. A new hobby may become a fascination. Take a class together or separately. Notice how his new interests change his behavior and show your curiosity and appreciation. Asking questions shows interest and gives him little room to hide out. Deep inside you know when to raise a red flag and when to believe his story about night school is true.

Time and Money

Friendships are the icing on the cake of life. It’s great when your mate starts hanging out with an old friend again. Just be sure he’s spending time with the old friend and not a new flame.

Intimacy is never free. Is the bank account suddenly a lot lighter than it should be? Income changes may signal something extracurricular. Or he just might be saving his money to buy you a diamond ring. In these days of a difficult economy, everyone is working harder than before. Your partner might be working overtime. Or making time with another.

Cheating requires significant effort. Messages have to be conveyed. Time and locations are discussed. Is your man covering the phone and speaking in hushed tones? When you ask who he’s texting, does his answer feel true?

Of course, you’d like to be always joyous, light on your feet, dancing to the rhythms of life. Always think bright and find the good in everyone. Find the positive in all situations. You have no time for feelings of oppression or suspicion. Unfortunately, there are times when you must react on this level. Should you be suspicious? The answer to this difficult question can only be found through a very quiet conversation with yourself.

Only in stillness can we hear a faint voice. When you are in a period of confusion, the truth can be the hardest words to hear. Look inward. Find a peace and you will know what you must do.

If you do spot a con in love, always approach the dilemma caution and take the high road. Lying and cheating have no place in a loving relationship. You don’t need to stay, but you do need to hold your head high, regardless of the direction you choose. Allow your partner the benefit of the doubt, when there is doubt. You may learn otherwise, but approach openly and lovingly. Love is a journey, a bumpy ride worth traveling. The trick is to pack carefully.

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Hear, See, and Say it